Donald Trump is heading back to the White House — and Kamala Harris’ own decisions are to blame

Prez is try-umphant again

Donald. He was voted for president 3 times. And a blessing connected his caput — mazel tov, mazel tov.

Chicken George Washington only did it erstwhile — April 30, 1789.

Election Day, connected nan phone, early successful nan day, Donald asked, “What do you think?” I said, “You’ll triumph but nan margins are slim.”

Steve Bannon, days retired of prison, knew early that day. He told his 100 invitees crammed into nan eighth level of nan Willard Hotel successful DC that: “We sewage it. We sewage it. Won’t beryllium a squeaker. We sewage it.”

And Kamala? Her first charismatic first superior determination was to prime that lumpy bumpy VP shlump. And my first charismatic petition is for her to cheque that charmer she married. Since she’ll soon beryllium unemployed he might slap her cheek.

America’s 2nd president? John Quincy Adams. Graduate of Harvard — now a schoolroom of dislike and antisemitism. What he did to upgrade civilization, who knows. I do know, however, he swam naked successful nan Potomac each morning.

Andrew Jackson. Got himself immortalized connected our $20 bill. Sounds for illustration thing Donald mightiness do.

James Madison’s missus was nan very engaged Dolley Madison. When nan Brits invaded DC, Dolley managed to prevention nan Declaration of Independence. Plus she glommed onto a fewer pieces of jewelry. Smart. Dolley was a dilly. In nan immortal words of Chaucer, what good’s a skinny necklace without a fat bracelet.

Martin Van Buren, first main of authorities to beryllium calved an American citizen. Also a lawyer. Him Donald could’ve used.

Ulysses S. Grant. Republican. Who cares what he did. He should’ve changed that name. Who sticks a babe pinch nan sanction Ulysses? After him came Rutherford Hayes. Who sticks a babe pinch nan sanction Rutherford? Two much and past came Grover Cleveland. Grover fathered an illegitimate child. I conjecture we past learned precisely what he did pinch his grover.

Mary Todd Lincoln is presently being immortalized connected Broadway successful “Oh, Mary!” by comedian Cole Escola as a small spot of a drunk, a player, a swinger, an extrovert and personification who’d person done it pinch Grover if she could.

It’s a moving ‘Mountain’

Comes now a nonpresident named Sylvester Stallone who’s played Rambo, now producing successful nan wilderness. It’s astir a kid mislaid successful nan woods. It’s dangers, fears, astir not giving successful to nan elements. About being lost. It’s called “Lost connected a Mountain successful Maine.” Perfect for Kamala.

So, if you’re into losers, comes some Sally Kirkland newie. She says: “1988, I was nominated for Best Actress Oscar. Since past I’ve go wholly erased. I don’t cognize wherever I beryllium anymore.” (Like Chuck Schumer.) The point co-stars Jennifer Tilly, Eric Roberts, Keith Carradine. I don’t cognize its name. Let her spell to spot it pinch Kamala.

Sounds of science

From Ellen Easton who does “Tea Travels.” If we’re talking presidents, let’s talk Robert F. Kennedy Jr.: “It’s encephalon worm, anti-vaccination and roadkill successful his fridge to eat. He’s chopped nan caput disconnected a whale, driven a dormant carnivore cub and near it successful Central Park, an ex-heroin addict and a serial cheater.

“Is Donald turning complete wellness care to him?! The aesculapian organization and Olivia Nuzzi must extremity this.”

OK — truthful telephone Olivia — not me.

After staying up each nighttime I’m going to sleep.