Dear Abby: My friend needs a divorce — how do I tell her?

DEAR ABBY: How do I show my friend “Lila” that I deliberation she’d beryllium happier if she sewage divorced? To beryllium clear, I don’t deliberation her narration is unsafe — it’s conscionable unhappy. Things person been rocky pinch her woman for a while now. They support trying to activity things out, but each fewer months, thing caller comes up aliases becomes a problem again. 

Lila cares profoundly astir her wife. She really wants to make things work, but I perpetually perceive she feels neglected and unattractive because of really her woman treats her. I’m evidently only proceeding half nan story, but it seems for illustration Lila is putting successful each nan effort to make nan narration work, and her woman isn’t responding successful kind.

Part of nan problem whitethorn beryllium that Lila is introverted and doesn’t person galore friends too her woman and me, which whitethorn beryllium why she clings truthful difficult to that relationship. I deliberation some of them would beryllium happier if they stopped trying to make nan matrimony activity and went backmost to being friends, but I don’t cognize really to show Lila that, aliases moreover if I should. Please help. — LISTENING IN MARYLAND

DEAR LISTENING: Stay retired of it. Lila needs a friend and a sounding committee astatine this point, not a life coach. If her matrimony is arsenic dysfunctional arsenic you person described, she will fig retired sooner aliases later whether it’s clip to “dial it back” aliases to extremity it. Understand that erstwhile divorces happen, astir couples don’t “go backmost to being friends” unless location are children involved. 

DEAR ABBY: I chaired an arena pinch a section work organization. Many hours were exhausted pinch readying and decorating. During nan program, a fewer members playfully started throwing immoderate items from nan centerpieces astatine nan impermanent speakers. By nan extremity of nan program, astir of nan room’s centerpieces were dismantled and connected nan floor. 

My committee had nan occupation of cleanup, which was difficult and tedious. We felt nan galore hours we spent readying and doing difficult activity were disrespected because of these juvenile antics. This was an end-of-year program, ringing successful caller officers and celebrating a awesome erstwhile year, and location are ever immoderate lighthearted shenanigans. But I’ve ne'er knowledgeable full chaos before. Should I opportunity thing aliases chalk it up to celebrating a successful year’s end? — FLABBERGASTED IN TEXAS

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Were these lighthearted members drunk aliases conscionable disorderly? “Lightheartedly” destroying nan centerpieces and throwing parts of them astatine nan speakers? How disrespectful to everyone involved, not to mention perchance dangerous!

I don’t deliberation what happened should beryllium ignored. By each means, speak up. You and nan different committee members are surely entitled to fto nan perpetrators cognize really it made you feel. You’re not nan only personification who is flabbergasted. So americium I.

DEAR ABBY: What tin I bargain for Christmas for my relative who is terminally sick pinch cancer? Nothing seems correct — not music, books aliases immoderate of nan things he has ever enjoyed. I’m astatine a loss. Any thoughts? — SADDENED IN OREGON

DEAR SADDENED: I americium truthful sorry astir your brother’s diagnosis. The surest measurement to springiness him thing he will bask would beryllium to inquire him what he would like. His activities whitethorn beryllium diminished, but he tin constituent you successful nan correct direction.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, besides known arsenic Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby astatine http://www.DearAbby.com aliases P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.