Dear Abby: My alcoholic friends won’t stop drunk dialing me

DEAR ABBY: I person been friends pinch a mates for 30 years. Both are alcoholics. They function, activity astatine farmers’ markets, are sociable, person a location and salary their bills. Yet, astatine slightest once, possibly doubly a month, they get wholly wasted and nan woman calls maine and rambles connected incoherently. I fishy they get drunk moreover much frequently, but, thankfully, I don’t get a telephone each clip they are connected a binge. 

I person been successful unspeakable relationships successful which I drank excessively overmuch to numb myself. Thankfully, I person been retired of specified toxicity for years. But I’m having expanding trouble dealing pinch these drunken telephone calls. I fishy I’m nan only personification my friend calls because she knows fewer others would understand her slurred babble. I’m weary from these calls. How do I deflect them? — TIRED EAR IN ARIZONA

DEAR TIRED EAR: Put an extremity to those calls by being frank pinch your friend astir nan effect they person connected you. Do this while she is sober. Tell her you do not want her calling you aft she has been drinking because her reside is truthful slurred that you can’t understand what she’s saying. Say if it happens again you will bent up nan phone, and if it does, travel through. Let her calls spell to voicemail. If you would for illustration to support immoderate benignant of narration pinch this couple, spot them socially only erstwhile they are (reasonably) sober.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, my migrant grandparents brought backmost hand-knit sweaters from Ireland, nan state successful which they were born, for everyone successful our family. I cherish excavation and return attraction of it, moreover though I’ve outgrown it. 

Years later, a adjacent friend asked to get this sweater for her neighbor’s child, who needed “something Irish” for a show-and-tell arena astatine school. The kids were asked to bring items that had to do pinch Ireland. When I refused to indebtedness my heirloom sweater, my friend told maine she’d already promised her neighbour she could get it. She became very angry, accused maine of being selfish and hasn’t spoken to maine for a mates months. 

We unrecorded successful nan aforesaid town, truthful I tally into her sometimes. She’s cordial but distant and intelligibly still upset pinch me. Bear successful mind that I hardly cognize my friend’s neighbour — nan 1 who wanted to get my sweater for her child. But moreover if I did, I wouldn’t indebtedness this heirloom to anyone. Was I wrong? — SENTIMENTAL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: You were neither selfish nor wrong! Your “friend” was retired of line. She should ne'er person promised anyone nan usage of spot that wasn’t hers. And for her to crystal you now for refusing to springiness it to her and consequence that thing truthful precious to you could beryllium damaged is plentifulness nervy. My proposal is to travel her example. Be cordial but distant, and do not licence her to make you nan bad feline for saying no.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, besides known arsenic Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby astatine http://www.DearAbby.com aliases P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.